Sometimes I just want to write. Nothing special or good just like... keeping a journal. I don't know why I just think it'd be fun.
I recently realized my unhinged fake architect biography is something of a writing exercise, which makes me a writer. Mind-blowing stuff. Genuinely, I never thought of myself as a writer, because I don't write shit, mostly. But also I never thought I'd think of myself as one.
That's a lie actually. When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer, but like, a published novel writer. It took me years to change my perspective to include people writing silly stuff on the internet as writers (and I'm still unsure where to draw the line there). I definitely didn't expect to count myself in that camp but several hundred words in, I must count as one. I think.
Actually, I've never really counted the words in the whole project, I've written it 100% in html and there aren't any word counters in this bitch. Is there a way to see that or I have to copy paste the whole thing into idk word or something that checks that stuff? I probably should either way, I haven't checked for spelling once and I'm sure it's a MESS. Meh add that to the list I guess, I'll have a free weekend one day. I hope.
It's not TMI to say I'm studying architecture right? I like to be very private on the internet, no personal info, but I guess this is a private journal in a way. That is to say. Architecture is a bitch to study and it's kicking my ass. I have no free time, well I do but I'm so exhausted then I just stay in bed whenever I can. Well, I'm also a lazy fuck. So take that as you will. I can't wait for this semester to be over so I can do jack-shit guilt-free. I know I won't do anything in the small break between semesters. Maybe I should, good for the soul and stuff but, again, I'm a lazy fuck.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just came out of an exam and I have my next class in 10 minutes, and I didn't really know what to do with myself in the meantime.
I'd like to talk to someone I think. But most of my friends have classes rn. And I'm not really the kind of person that starts conversations. I don't know why, maybe I should work on it.
Now I feel like I'm constantly saying "I don't know" and, it's true I don't know shit. But maybe if I can have a record of those things I can start learning. Maybe I'll come back to this page in 20 years with a bunch of answers and write "you dumb fuck". Sometimes I want to say that to myself in the past, so I can only imagine that's what future me would think. I like to imagine I'll have some answers in 20 years. I wonder what kind of questions I'll be asking then. 2044 Marak lend me your wisdom.
Well the 10 minutes are almost over and I'm three stories away from my next class so, I guess this is it for now. It's been fun.
As the title suggest, I decided to reread what I wrote in the fake architect's journals and goddamit it's bad.
I mean it's not terrible but it's such a first draft is embarrasing. It's ok it makes me wanna edit the whole thing and that sounds like a lot of fun but also an HTML document isn't all that great for writing.
That is what I love most about writing in HTML, it doesn't feel like writing. It feels chill, free, like a first draft is supposed to, I guess. I can't quite make the jump into "serious writing" yet, it feels too big of a jump to me. So having a medium that is, for lack of a better word, DOGSHIT takes off all the pressure I feel when walking into a proyect.
Being first and foremost a visual artist, the "fear of a blank page" is nothing new to me. It's something that I mostly overcame when it comes to drawing and painting and it's equal parts frustrating and hilarious facing it again in an entirely diffrent medium. 3/10 do not recommend, but at least I can laugh about it.
I guess the solution to my editing issues (re: HTML sucks for this) is just using a real text editor. But I there are no words in english to describe how unmotivating I find the idea. En español argentino diría que me da una paja monumental. I know it's not that much work just copy and paste and then copy and paste again. And then reformatting the whole thing back to HTML. Honestly it's one step too many so.
No edit, no beta, we die like men, I guess.
PS. it's kind of hilarious how long and somewhat introspective the first entry was in comparison with this one. But alas, today I just felt like complaining a little.
Guess who bit the fucking bullet and edited the dumb journals!
I mean not yet, but I managed to edit the first one, yay! The whole document is 2800-ish words, so not that long all things considered. Still a whole-ass writing proyect, whooo!
I'm very proud of myself, reformatting was (as I feared) a pain in the ass, and I'll be happy not to do it again any time soon. Sadly, I'll have to, I still have two and a half journals to go.